Are Mormons funny? (from the blog www.SistasInZion.com)
Oh, Heavens Yes! This is all about our point of view on all things MORMON. We’re just two Sistas with testimones in the gospel of Jesus Christ. We love to laugh and we think Mormons are hilarious, if we do say so ourselves. We don’t always agree with one another, but we always “Love One Another.” We are truly blessed to have one another as sisters, friends and SISTAS IN ZION.
Sista Beehive and Sista Laurel are Multimedia Personalties and founders of Sistas in Zion. They started their blog in 2009 as a way to keep in contact when they were no longer living in the same state. Being members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints the ladies decided to write on matters of faith. Their hope was to create a place where their friends and family of all faiths could openly converse and also share humorous aspects of Mormon culture. The plan to keep the convo between family and friends was instantly obliterated as people started to share their posts, now these women are a major part of the faith-based scene. Their media entity Sistas in Zion, has grown into much more than a blog, they now co-host Sistas in Zion Radio, speak to live audiences and have authored their first book due out April 2014.
What Not to say to General Authorities
1. Do not grab their hand, place it on your heart (bosom) and “say bless my heart!” ‘Cause that’s real inappropriate and the wives don’t appreciate it either!
2. Don’t confess your childhood (or any other) sins to them. Unless that is the reason you’ve been summoned to meet with them. If that is the case “bless your heart!”
3. Don’t tell them that you did your genealogy and found their great grandparent on your family tree! Then immediately start referring to them as “Cuz!” Unless they say it first, this, of course would be really shocking!
4. Don’t confess to nothing that doesn’t involve you! Meaning don’t confess anyone else’s sin(s) (Yes, we did need to tell y’all that!!).
5. Don’t expect them to give you a life time layout of which choices will best suit you in life. “Who should I marry? What is the best career choice for me? Should I buy this house or that one?”
6. Asking an apostle to tell you something spiritual can only result in said apostle calling you to repentance… So, don’t ask and they certainly won’t tell!
7. Don’t ask “‘why Brother X got called to be the Stake President instead of Brother XYZ? ‘Cause Brother X isn’t even that spiritual.”
8. You may or may not know this but the LDS church doesn’t have a suggestion box. So, when someone is called into a position you can be upset, you can talk to the Bishop or Stake president, you can even oppose the call, you can do all that! What you shouldn’t do is tell any of the church leaders that they should call Sista Jones to be the next Relief Society President ’cause she is the best dressed person in the stake! ‘Cause your testimony will/shall stand as a testimony against her! Just saying…
9. Rapidly blinking your eyes to try to prevent G.As from piercing into the windows of your soul doesn’t work. Don’t ask us how we know, we just know!
10. Asking “Can you “autograph” my temple recommend?” Will only result in you getting your temple recommend confiscated, with the quickness!
11. Saying “when I found out that you were Sara’s grandfather I was so shocked! Because she don’t EVEN act like she is related to a General Authority! May result in one or two General Authorities acting real unchristian toward you. You can’t just be talkin ’bout folks grand-babies… Even if it is true!
13. Don’t say to “Elder X, I LOVE your talks so much! Your so much better then Elder XYZ, he really bores err’body to death!”
14. What not to say to them or their wives: “Hey Elder X, I think your pretty awesome! Will you tell Elder Urcthdorf that I think he’s foxy!” Don’t even try it, ’cause Sista Harriet don’t look like she plays that!!
15. The single saintly Brotha’s get so tired of hearing “Sorry your wife passed away, do you want to meet my grandma”? That ain’t cute! And, chances are they already know your grandma…
16. Saying to Elder X “Your last conference talk wasn’t really my favorite!” (while making “sour face”) Could result in you being the topic of a future conference talk!
17. It’s not really a compliment to tell anyone especially a GA, “seeing you in person, ummm, you look so regular! Wow! Um! You look much more spiritual on television.”
18. Don’t ever ask them or anyone else for that matter “Do you really keep ALL the commandments?”
19. When you say things to GAs like “So, most of the stories in the bible are metaphors right? You don’t really believe Moses parted the Red Sea, do you?” Alerts them to the fact that you prolly dropped out of seminary, don’t attend anybody’s Christian God fearing church. And, that you and the Holy Spirit ain’t really all that tight.
20. You do not want to be the reason the Sista’s are up in arms! The wives (one wife for one man, we know we got some non-LDS folks joining us from time to time, just clarifying) of the Apostals are not only spiritual, they are savvy. They don’t need nobody stirring the pot! You might be tempted to say, “Sista X, do you have to follow him around wherever he goes? What do you do to keep yourself entertained?Don’t you get tired of ALL this??!?” When in reality the only thing you need to say is “Girl, I love those shoes, they look REAL comfortable! I hope Elder X realizes what a wonderful wife he has!” Like we said they are smart and savvy, the wives of General Authorities are readers, they can even read between the lines well enough to know that you know when they are bored and tired….
What do y’all got? What would you like to add to the list?
**This post is LOVINGLY dedicated to those of you who are inspired to lead us. It was/is our sincere desire to get you take a break from whatever might be causing you stress at this time and enjoy the rainbow called life.**
Still Mad, Still Black, & Still Mormon!
Sista Beehive & Sista Laurel
DIARY OF TWO MAD BLACK MORMONS authors, Tamu Smith and Zandra Vranes, discuss their new book and a few personal stories that helped inspire it.